Monday, August 4, 2014

Spanx...a little throwback

Originally posted April 20, 2012

I think Spanks should come with an instructional video so women who use them aren't surprised by certain nuances. For example, when putting on your Spanks, one must have someone hold them open while you climb onto the roof and jump into them. Trying to put them on any other way will prove unsuccessful. After application, the veins in your forehead and neck will bulge temporarily. Once your body realizes it isn't being attacked by a boa constrictor, normal blood flow will resume. Do not wear a thong with Spanks. You will not find it again without invasive surgery. Your bladder will be unable to hold anything more than .01 ounces of fluid because everything contained in the Spanks is greatly compressed. When removing Spanks, bungee cord yourself to a chair and hold on for dear life because removal will sling shot you across the room. You have been warned. Oh, but they do work.


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