Monday, October 13, 2014

Battlefield Potty

Operation Chill Baby Junk failed miserably.  Only mild discomfort.  Feel the need to drive to Huggies headquarters and sucker punch CEO.  Aggressive measures need to be taken.  War is imminent. 

Day 1.
Enemy has dirty diaper and must be changed.  While distracted, I slipped underwear on the enemy, signally the beginning of the war campaign.  Stealthy move was successful.  Enemy did not realize Mom had launched war until underpants were brought to attention.  Enemy engaged in vigorous negotiations.  Mom's war spanks are on so tightly that they cannot be removed.  War is now reality.  Beach towels and blankets are draped over furniture and area rug for preservation.  Potty relocated to living room.  There is no turning back.

The enemy struck back with great vigor.  Stood beside potty several times and soiled underpants in protest.  Psychological tactics employed by both fronts.  I captured enemy's tractors and have placed them in confinement until proper disposal occurs.  Enemy cracked once tractors were taken hostage.  He did find satisfaction in peeing on Fruit Loops in the potty.  Box of Fruit Loops will remain in bathroom.  I feel exhausted.  I believe the enemy is trying to drive me insane.

Day 2.
Battle resumes early a.m.  Forced Fruit Loop target practice.  More setbacks.  Sneak attack.  Enemy tries to take out potty by dumping entire box of Fruit Loops and flushing.  Reports potty broken and in need of Water Doctor.  Extra flushing fixed issue.  Back up box of Cheerios employed.  Wish I had ordered more underwear.  Made enemy spend time naked until willing to deposit in potty.  This bought time for me to clean underwear.  Naked was more than enemy could stand.  Won right to wear clothes.  Clothes clean for now.  Spider Man was contacted about successful negotiations and called to praise the enemy for his successful potty deposits.  Went online and ordered Spider Man undies.  Should have rushed delivery.

Day 3.
Enemy has softened stance against potty.  Now is embracing target practice.  Mom is considering taking off war spanks.  May need help with removal. They may have meshed into her skin.  Furniture is uncovered.  War may be ending soon.  Tractors were released to the enemy.  Cuddles were received by the Mommy.  Enjoyed cuddles.  Still exhausted.  Training my rat to run a maze in one of my psychology classes was easier than this.  May need spa treatment.

Day 4.
Truce is declared.  Enemy now termed Bubby.  Will continue underwear.  Mom is joyful over money saved now that diapers are not needed.  May invest in more coffee.

1 comment:

  1. I laughed so hard reading this! Oh..what us Mommas have to go through!